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"I'M CUTE GIVE ME MONEY!" - Shelter animals, 2023
Zachary Roe
Zachary Roe
That’s right, folks, it’s the time of year where I ask you for money.
For the animals. Not for me (though, if you want to throw a few bucks my way, I won’t stop you)
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Zach, I gave your animal friends some of my hard-earned cash last year!”
And that’s a fair point (unless you didn’t donate last year).
But, evidently, the animals have already spent all of last year’s Doggie Dash money.
I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking, “Zach! How irresponsible are these animal friends of yours? We gave them a lot of money! Did they blow it all on peanut butter and American cheese or something?”
I understand your frustration. But, according to my super secret undercover source (Okay, it was Daniel Buttercup Jr. https://www.oregonhumane.org/adopt/details/281665/ ), the animals didn’t spend all the money because they’re reckless and irresponsible like some bank. No, they spent all the money because, evidently, animals need to eat EVERY day.
Sounds crazy, right? But it’s true! I looked it up. Not only do they need to eat every day, but they need to eat MULTIPLE times every day. And food costs money. Even dog and cat food.
You know what else I discovered in my research? Most animals don’t stop peeing and pooping when they reach adulthood, that’s a myth. They pee and poop for their entire lives, so when they’re in the shelter, even if they’re grown-ups, someone has to clean their crap up. And not everyone will clean-up dog crap for free.
ALSO, according to my source (not Daniel Buttercup Jr., but my other source, Martin the cat https://www.oregonhumane.org/adopt/details/282537/), when animals don’t feel well, they need medical attention, which costs money. And sometimes they even need medicine, which, according to Martin, also costs money. I know that doesn’t sound right, but Martin swears it’s true. In fact, if you have a few minutes, he’ll tell you all about big pharma and the ethics of modern medicine (but don’t let him talk for too long, otherwise hell start rambling about bitcoin).
All that is to say: If you have some money to spare (and in this economy, who doesn’t!), these animals could really use it. One dollar, a hundred dollars, fifty thousand dollars – whatever you have lying around, it would be greatly appreciated.
For the animals. Not for me (though, if you want to throw a few bucks my way, I won’t stop you)
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Zach, I gave your animal friends some of my hard-earned cash last year!”
And that’s a fair point (unless you didn’t donate last year).
But, evidently, the animals have already spent all of last year’s Doggie Dash money.
I know what you’re thinking! You’re thinking, “Zach! How irresponsible are these animal friends of yours? We gave them a lot of money! Did they blow it all on peanut butter and American cheese or something?”
I understand your frustration. But, according to my super secret undercover source (Okay, it was Daniel Buttercup Jr. https://www.oregonhumane.org/adopt/details/281665/ ), the animals didn’t spend all the money because they’re reckless and irresponsible like some bank. No, they spent all the money because, evidently, animals need to eat EVERY day.
Sounds crazy, right? But it’s true! I looked it up. Not only do they need to eat every day, but they need to eat MULTIPLE times every day. And food costs money. Even dog and cat food.
You know what else I discovered in my research? Most animals don’t stop peeing and pooping when they reach adulthood, that’s a myth. They pee and poop for their entire lives, so when they’re in the shelter, even if they’re grown-ups, someone has to clean their crap up. And not everyone will clean-up dog crap for free.
ALSO, according to my source (not Daniel Buttercup Jr., but my other source, Martin the cat https://www.oregonhumane.org/adopt/details/282537/), when animals don’t feel well, they need medical attention, which costs money. And sometimes they even need medicine, which, according to Martin, also costs money. I know that doesn’t sound right, but Martin swears it’s true. In fact, if you have a few minutes, he’ll tell you all about big pharma and the ethics of modern medicine (but don’t let him talk for too long, otherwise hell start rambling about bitcoin).
All that is to say: If you have some money to spare (and in this economy, who doesn’t!), these animals could really use it. One dollar, a hundred dollars, fifty thousand dollars – whatever you have lying around, it would be greatly appreciated.
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